The Women of Scream 4

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Scream 4 hits theaters this Friday. Was that a pin drop? Yeah, I don’t really give a hoot either. However, old man Wes Craven deserves mucho admiration for assembling a veritable murderer’s row of hotties to be slayed in the fourth (and hopefully) final chapter of his lucrative horror franchise. Oh, to be a creepy panty-sniffer lurking in the shadows of the on-set dressing room. Blond, brunette, redhead — whatever tickles your erection, this flick has it. Without further ado, I present the women of Scream 4.

Neve Campbell

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Neve wasn’t too crazy at first about doing another installment, which is odd because it’s not as if Hollywood producers have been banging down her door in recent years. Blind Horizon, Closing the Ring, Partition and Burn Up ring any bells? Didn’t think so. Anyway, she’s back at age 37 to once again run Sidney Prescott through the masked maniac on the loose grinder.

Courtney Cox

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You can’t have a Scream flick without tabloid TV reporter turned best-selling author Gale Weathers snooping around the crime scenes. Cox, now the star of ABC’s Cougar Town, still looks good at 46. Will she make it out of the third sequel alive? Odds are she’ll weather the storm.

Anna Paquin

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The gap-toothed cutie from True Blood represents some of the new blood in the Scream universe. It’s unlikely she’ll stick around very long. Rumor has it the perky princess will be one of Ghostface’s first victims. In other words, she ain’t no Sookie Stackhouse. You can see more Anna by going here.

Kristen Bell

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Me likey some Kristen Bell. Ever since this pint-sized firecracker graced the small screen as teenage detective Veronica Mars, I’ve been smitten. She’s engaged to Dax Shepard, which makes Dax Shepard the luckiest no-talent “actor” in the biz. Bell plays Chloe in the movie, best friend to Paquin’s character, which means she’ll end up dead in a pool of her own viscera. Booooo!

Alison Brie

Oh, sweet Alison. There are many reasons to watch NBC’s best comedy series, Community. The best of which is Ms. Brie, who melts hearts on a weekly basis as Annie Edison. This brunette beauty with bodacious breasts portrays Sidney’s personal assistant. Sadly, PA’s are easy pickings in film. For a bigger slice of Brie, go here.

Hayden Panettiere

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I never watched an episode of Heroes, but it catapulted young Hayden into a paparazzi favorite. She’s got the body of a gymnast and is currently dating heavyweight boxing champ Wladamir Klitschko. Known for knockouts, it’s safe to say Klitschko’s biggest victory to date is landing lil’ Hayden.

Lucy Hale

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Am I the only one turned on by the above pic of Lucy wielding a kitchen knife? I had no idea who she was until I Googled her, but evidently she stars in the ABC Family series Pretty Little Liars, playing, I assume, a pretty little liar. In Scream 4, she’s Sherrie Marconi, i.e. Ghostface bait.

Shenae Grimes

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Shenae is 21 and hails from Toronto, Canada. She’s also part of the cast of 90210 — the CW reboot of Beverly Hills, 90210. Is she a bigger bitch than Brenda was back in the day? I don’t watch the show, but I need to know. By the way, the original 90210 debuted 21 years ago. Ugh, I’m old.

Aimee Teegarden

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Adorable Aimee. Unless you were a regular viewer of Friday Night Lights you probably don’t recognize this little cherub. Aimee must have morals because there aren’t any scantily clad photos of her circumventing the net. Too bad because she has amazing boobies. Based on the above image she totally belongs in a Scream movie.

Brittany Robertson

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Surprise, another blond chick. Did Hugh Hefner cast this movie? I know nada about Brittany, but according to Wiki her next project is called Naked Girl, which sounds very promising, especially if she plays the titular character.

Emma Roberts

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Daughter of Eric Roberts and niece to Julia, Emma springs from a successful line of big screen talent. She’s got her Aunt’s peepers, mouth and lean frame. She ranked #78 on Maxim’s 2010 Hot 100 and has completed eight movies in two years. She plays Sidney’s cousin, Jill.

Marielle Jaffe

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Damn, I really need to update my 21-year-old babe files because Jaffe is another gorgeous gal that was foreign to me until a few days ago. I don’t know much, but I know she looks pretty darn doable when wet. Then again, you can say that about most women.

Marley Shelton

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Marley was a cheerleader in Sugar & Spice, a doctor in Grindhouse and a hitchhiker in A Perfect Getaway. Now, she gets to be Sheriff Dewey’s deputy (that’s her with the gun). Hey look, she has blond hair! Is that a bloody Ghostface mask in the trunk? I think it is.

Heather Graham

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Last, but certainly not least, is Rollergirl herself, Heather Graham, who if you don’t recall portrayed Casey Becker in the movie within a movie, Stab, in Scream 2. Well, she’s back in the same capacity because the plot of Scream 4 involves copying the murders from Stab. Believe it or not, Heather is 41 and still single. Not that you have a shot.

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