Once upon a time VH1 and MTV used to play music videos. At some point they decided to branch out to create other forms of quality programming but utterly failed and the celebrity reality dating show format was born. Curiously, their first choice for this genre was Flavor Flav from the rap group Public Enemy. To us this made about as much sense as casting Spencer Pratt to play a human being.

Dream man

Even more confusing than the casting of Flav however was the fact that apparently so many women really wanted to be with him. From these humble beginnings the reality dating show began and Flav was soon joined by another 80’s idol, Brett Michaels.

Underneath the bandana? Herpes.

Soon, the producers found that there were people out there so desperate for fame that they didn’t even have to pay for top shelf booze for ‘D’ level celebrities. There were plenty of men and women who were willing to flaunt their goods on camera to be with someone whose only claim to fame was that they were a loser on a prior show.
This bit of insanity reached its peak in in 2008 when Real and Chance, two brothers, were given their own show “Real Chance of Love”. They were two losers from a show called ‘I Love New York’ and she was in turn a reject from the original ‘Flavor of Love’. And so things had come full circle, like some kind of sleazy, jiggly cycle of life.

Slightly more famous than your pizza delivery guy

While the shows definitely did not offer much in terms of mental stimulation we admit though that they did provide us with some guilty pleasures of the skanky variety. On to the women.

She appeared on the first Rock of Love and was famous for getting Michaels’ name tatooed on the back of her neck. Sadly she never quite seemed to be comfortable without a pole to hang onto and was let go in second place.

While not coming off as the brightest contestant on Real Chance of Love, even among some fairly dim competition, she was still plenty hot. She eventually lost because she always looked like she was more concerned with not messing up her hair than actually trying to win the show.

Leah was a 23 year old model when she joined the cast looking to date Brandy’s little brother Ray J. In her interview she claimed she had a sex appeal and looks that were deceiving. As you can see she totally hides it well.

Appearing on the first Rock of Love, Brandi was like the hot girl next door, if that girl had tatoos and possibly her own porn site. If this was in fact the case you probably would still be living in your mom’s basement.

Joanna was given the name “Cocktail” on the show ‘For the Love of Ray J’. Her bio listed her work as a social worker and a go-go dancer. We can’t make this stuff up.

First appearing on Rock of Love 2 or 15, we’ve lost count, Megan was the tall blonde with big boobs, who stood out amongst a group of short blondes with big boobs. She got on the show after responding to an ad on Craigslist. She eventually came in fifth place, which in the reality dating world gets you your own show.

Perhaps registering lowest on the “Skank” meter of any reality show contestant, Abbie looked like got lost on her way to a Rachel Ray taping. Somehow this midwestern girl fought her way past a wall of silicon and hair weaves to win Real’s heart on the first season of Real Chance of Love.

She was given the nickname “Spanish Fly” for obvious reasons on Real Chance of Love 2. We would let this manicurist massage our nails anytime. And by “nails” we mean “cuticles”.

A contestant on Rock of Love Bus, Brittanya aroused us and scared us at the same time. We kind of want to run away but our boners make it difficult. We get the feeling that Brett Michaels felt the same way and gave in to his fear because she didn’t make the finals.

Appearing on Real Chance of Love she was given the nickname ‘Rabbit’ because her figure reminded the boys of Jessica Rabbit. Surprisingly, she was quite normal, at least compared to many of the other contestants. Sadly she did not win because normal does not make for good T.V.

Finally, while we wanted to give our man Flavor Flav props, we found that his tastes were just a little too different from ours:

Hot....mess