Hot Chicks with Weird Names

What’s in a name, really? Beautiful women have all sorts of different call signs. Some are a tad boring, like Megan Fox and Tyra Banks, while others lean toward the exotic, like Ana Ivanovic and Bar Refaeli. Then there are the gorgeous hotties with downright strange monikers. Despite being undeniably sexy, one can’t help but notice the weirdness associated with their handles. Here are eleven smokin’ hot babes with odd names. (Since I can’t spell very well, I’m leaving out foreign chicks. Too many consonants.)

11 – Mena Suvari

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This little cherub bared her breasts in the Oscar-winning American Beauty. Her head-scratching name has something to do with Egypt and Estonia. I have no idea where those places are, but I do know Mena can play naked scrabble with me any day of the week.

10 – Malin Akerman

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Okay, she’s kinda foreign since she was born in Sweden and raised in Toronto, but she speaks English, which is close enough for me. Malin Akerman sounds like the name of my former accountant, but she looks much better in a bikini.

9 – Ciara

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Although spelled differently, her name matches a mountain range and a soft drink. Ciara’s body is far from soft and her peaks aren’t bad either. Even better, she can dance. I’ve always wanted to learn, but I have a feeling I would have trouble concentrating if she were my teacher.

8 – Leighton Meester

Apparently, Meester is Dutch. The only Dutch I know is the ’80s flick starring the dude who played Al Bundy. Meester also means “Master.” I have no problem playing her slave in a role-playing sex game.

7 – Summer Glau

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My girlfriend informs me Summer Glau is also a shade of lipstick. Whatever the case, Summer has played a kick ass super-soldier brainwashed by the government and a Terminator. I think it’s time she leave behind her warrior princess days to portray a young, naive college girl exploring her sexuality in the south of France.

6 – Mila Kunis

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I was so hypnotized by Mila’s captivating good looks, I originally had her starring in the movie Jumper. Wrong. That was Rachel Bilson. Clearly, I’m a fool. Mila is such a naughty girl, she lied about her age to land the part on That ’70s Show. She was supposed to be 18; she was 14. Reminds me of Traci Lords, minus the hardcore porn.

5 – Eliza Dushku

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She used to be a Slayer, but now she’s a Doll. After years of refusing nudity, she finally appeared topless in The Alphabet Killer, thus making The Alphabet Killer the greatest film ever put to celluloid. Her name is so screwy, Kevin Smith calls her Duck Shoot. That Kev is such a scamp.

4 – Diora Baird

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A natural 32DD. Nice. Google her name. You won’t be disappointed. One of her upcoming movies is titled Pornstar. Guess who she plays? I am so there.

3 – Arielle Kebbel

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I think Arielle Kebbel was the name of a planet in the latest Star Trek flick, but I can’t be certain. She graduated from high school early with a 4.3 GPA, which means she’s probably smart enough to see through my lies. Damn!

2 – Odette Yustman

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I could stare into those eyes for hours. I have, often, to the point of blacking out. Therapists might classify my obsession with Odette as unhealthy, and creepy, and illegal. I’ve never taken much stock in what shrinks or law enforcement officials have to say. They are what I like to call, party poopers.

1 – Moon Bloodgood

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This engaging beauty has the coolest name ever. You gotta a moon in there and some blood, and it’s all good. She is what happens when Irish and Koreans have sex. I’m of a notion that Irish and Koreans need to start having more sex. Who’s with me?


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