Four Hot Female Criminals

1

Belle Boyd

Look at those ankles!

Belle Boyd’s career as a spy for the Confederates began when she was 17 (the legal age was much laxer back then). A group of soldiers broke into her home, intent on raising the U.S. flag. When one of them pushed her mother out of the way, she reacted completely reasonably, and shot the guy to death. She was exonerated after employing tears and smiles, but was kept under guard. Belle later remarked that it was the first time she became “acquainted with so many of them.” She eventually seduced one of the Captains into revealing military secrets, smuggling the secret messages to Confederate officers in her hollowed-out watch.

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Belle had one huge advantage. Apparently, she “was particularly noted for having the best looking ankles known—and she used them to her advantage. She evidently had a “winning way” with the Union troops and was most obliging in taking care of their needs.” Hot.

Despite being fiercely loyal to the South, Boyd did not hesitate to flirt or dance (or sleep) with Northerners. In fact, when Federal commanders discovered that she had leaked information to the other side, they begged the judges to pardon her. Thirty separate times. After dodging shells, enemy fire that put bullet holes in her skirt and bluffing her way through security, Belle eventually returned to the Confederates, with information that proved crucial to a victory. A week later, she was betrayed by a Union sympathizer (a woman, jealous bitch), and was imprisoned. She needn’t have worried though—the famous Union General Shields broke her out, ignoring what his fellow Northerners thought.

Fate?

After the war, Boyd became an actress, marrying three different times.

2

Sada Abe

Sada Abe may be relatively unknown in the West, but she was a national sensation in Japan. It all started when Abe’s father found out how promiscuous Abe’s sister was at a young age. Doing what any concerned parent would do, he sent her to work in a brothel. Born 1905, perhaps it is not so surprising that Sada herself would be drawn to the sex industry, and she eventually became a high classed prostitute (prostitution was legal in Japan at the time). Sada eventually stopped being a hooker, and began work as an apprentice at a restaurant, where she began to sleep with her boss, Kichizo Ishida.

Bow Chicka Bow Wow

Sada was a huge sex maniac. She once stayed in bed for 4 days at a love hotel (Japanese hotels designed specifically for sex) with Ishida, not stopping even when the maids came in. In direct proportion with the crazy-hot scale, Sada was really kinky; often strangling and using knives during sex. In 1936, Sada strangled Ishida to death, and cut off his penis. Yeah.

Taken shortly after Abe’s arrest. We have no idea why everyone is laughing.

When asked why the penis later, she replied, “I wanted to take the part of him that brought back to me the most vivid memories” and “I felt attached to Ishida’s penis and thought that only after taking leave from it quietly could I then die. I unwrapped the paper holding them and gazed at his penis and scrotum. I put his penis in my mouth and even tried to insert it inside me.” We have a very confused erection right now.

Fate?

Sada was arrested 3 days later, and was sentenced to only 6 years in jail. Sada has since become something of a sex icon in Japan, on par with Hello Kitty and Misty from Pokemon. In fact, there have been two pornos made out of her.

3

Valeria Messalina

Oh so sexy!

A Roman Empress and married to Cladius (the Emperor after Caligula, and just as batshit craazy), Messalina was the most powerful woman of her time: statues of her were all over the city, her birthday was a holiday, and she was given the same seats as the Roman Gods; she was extremely popular–and rightfully so! Messalina had a terrible reputation for, well, being a enormous whore. At the time, Rome was a place full of sex parties, orgies, and weird kinks (it was awesome) but even then, Messalina stood out.

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Famous for her sex drive and nymphomania, she would frequently organize sex parties and she would often disguise herself as a hooker at a local brothel just to get some. A prime example of her libido is how Messalina challenged the famous prostitute, Scylla to an all-night sex-off: whoever could satisfy the most men in 24 hours would win. Scylla gave up, exhausted at dawn while Messalina kept going and won with 25 men. Our kind of woman.

Messalina eventually fell in love with a Roman senator, Silius. However, she was still married to Cladius. Messalina and Silius plotted to kill Cladius. Unfortunately, Cladius got wind of their plan, and ordered their death. He was apparently very sad and weeping (as we would be, if we had to kill the perfect woman), but he had no choice.

Fate?

Messalina was given the option of suicide, but couldn’t bring herself to do it. She was then decapitated, although knowing the Romans, that probably didn’t stop them from having some more fun with her.

4

Debra Lafave

While there have been many teachers that have sexed their students up, and many of them who have committed much more serious crimes, Ms. Lafave is the hottest, so we’ll be talking about her. (Although if you’re interested in a slightly more grisly case, a Ms. Pamela Smart conspired with her 15 year-old lover and his 3 best friends (fivesome) to kill her husband. First off, we’d just like to go on record by saying we’d like to tap that.

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An English teacher and former model, LaFave had sex with a 14 year old student, when she was 23. It should be noted that LaFave was super hot, and that the only crime committed is that our English teacher wasn’t that hot. During the trial, the DA actually said, “to place Debbie into jail, to place an attractive young women in that kind of hellhole, is like putting a piece of raw meat in with the lions.” Which sounds totally hot. In fact, the Tampa Police Department came under fire, when it was revealed they took graphic nude pictures of her when she was in a jail cell (which we cannot seem to find).
Also, she had hypersexuality, which is pretty much God’s gift to men.

Fate?

Debra LaFave was sentenced to three years of house arrest, and seven years of probation. She eventually broke her probabtion when she spoke to a 17 year old co-worker, although avoided jail.

debralafave

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